Tallah - Matriphagy

Artist: Tallah
Release: Matriphagy


1. [redacted]

Toss this ball in your conscience
Throw it up
Catch it on the way down
Who are we to suppress our dreams?
I set them free
I make them be!
I’ll make you bleed
Whether through death or a fine-toothed comb
Brush it back
Brush it through the thoughts you’ve chosen
Trillions of people chucked their brains in a casket
Call it a tragedy!
Is there anybody home inside?
Is there anybody home inside this head of mine?

Christ, where do we even begin?

2. No One Should Read This

Yikes!
No one should read this,
But it must be said
I’m not a big man—no big thoughts—no reruns
I was kept like a sponge in a box, and a corner was split
That is what it’s like to die,
So I choked in a puddle of my pain until I soaked up all the red
Then, I traced the outer line
-Seduced to birth out a divide

So if you need a reason to hate, look up to me,
And maybe someday, you’ll find it
And if you need a reason to murder, look up to me,
And maybe someday, I’ll help you out, bitch

This elixir ought to be packed under a swamp in Cancun
And locked up—swallowed by a crocodile
Miles from civilization
I make shit [mix it up] up all the time,
Like to levitate truth in my mind,
Like to make you root against me
You can’t trust the judgment
Of the simple-minded criminal that’s me
Never meant to say it out loud…
Yikes!

But if you need a reason to hate, look up to me,
And maybe someday, you’ll find it
And if you need a reason to murder, look up to me,
And maybe someday, I’ll help you out
Maybe someday, you’ll find the pitfall

Fell down a concrete staircase until she broke her spine
And some may call me a hero, but I’ve been jaded
‘Cause I know
Ever since then, I had been her pet
She don’t think it be like that,
But it do,
And that’s a cold fact
-Gelid, like a winter cheek
Well, things ain’t what they used to be
She got gone,
And that’s something that I can’t forgive
I can’t forgive that
There is no compromise

No one should ever know just how tight it tugged

3. Kungan

So here is just the way it is:
I’m not clever enough to fix it, so I try my best to twist it
List the reasons to go and reasons to stay
Keep it in my chest pocket
Keep it close to me—not near my mother
No, she’s always following like a hunter
Creeping through the shadows ‘cause she dwells in every corner
An assimilated fixture that be’ stalking like a porter
She likes to dress me up
I swear she treats me like a daughter,
But she don’t remember me
That picture on her dresser—she pretends that’s me
You know, it’s like an endless seam
That’s running down the leg of this relentless empress

I have heard it—the voice that talks right by my window
“Is there anybody home inside?
Is there anybody home inside your head?”
You tell me…

I’ve lost track of the times I’ve hurt myself
-Life’s simple wonders
Yo, this authority speaks with a voice that’s so loud,
It makes me tuck my tail and hop home
Protect me from myself
Hop home
Protect me from myself
You are a saint ‘cause you protect me from my-fucking-self

I have heard it—the voice that talks right by my window
“Is there anybody home inside?
Is there anybody home inside your head?”
You tell me…

[scatting]
Whatever
I’d say today’s the day to turn away
-Can’t fuck this up

Are you petrified?
Call mother!
Say I’m not okay
All I feel inside’s coming onto to the carpet floor

4. Overconfidence

Never one and the same
Here’s my crutch: I’m in need of her system
I’m marginally obsessed with the way I present myself
I overreact ‘cause that’s how I roll
I been’ told I am hysterical
Oops! I’m Armageddon’s son
Hold your resentment while I bust this out
She’ requesting my submission, and we all know how this one ends
I’m proud to have been given a chance to entertain you
-Lest I’m enslaved to the pain of my confidence

I was in it only to help you out
Lie in the danger or save my life?
I envision a world where my choices are mine
-Lest I’m enslaved to the gain and the pain
I could drown in my confidence

It don’t take much—just a pinch of resistance
I’m open to suggestions on how I should get it done
Don’t overreact
This is how it goes: Ima’ break through the linoleum
-Hope she doesn’t hear a sound
Hold your resentment while I dig me out to define my new existence,
And my boy knows the outcome
That little prick likes to parry my thoughts
You know why?
‘Cause he’s a coward and a hypocrite!
I shot two bullets in the wall,
Just stand between the eyes of God, to let him see,
Let him weep at the construct he cast aside
And I’m over it ‘cause I been’ feeling so confident!

I was in it only to help you out
Lie in the danger or save my life?
I envision a world where my choices are mine
-Lest I’m enslaved to the gain and the pain
I could drown in my confidence

Lobifu, can you clarify it? O’ Lobifu!
Just let me prove that it was you, Lobifu!
When she comes, we will surrender to her, Lobifu
‘Cause we been’ part of the problem
Just let me prove it was you, Lobifu

I was in it only to help you out
Lie in the danger or save my life?

She’s my crutch!
I’m in need of her system
I’m marginally obsessed with the way I present myself
I overreact ‘cause that’s how I roll!
You can see I am hysterical
Oops! I’m Armageddon’s son
Ugh, my agenda is to bust me out!
She’ requesting my submission, and we all know how this one ends
Got one foot in the door to entertainment
-Lest I’m enslaved to the gain and the pain
Never one and the same—overconfidence

5. Placenta

I’m trying to accommodate my cell
Feature a wee creature who looks just like me
He doesn’t like me much…
Says I’m too fucked up to be discreet—says I’m obsolete now
Could be the storm of the century
Said to me, “You got some potential
Admit it, we should end her”
Mother’s surprised I made a dent this far…
Got the leash around my neck
Surprised it went this long, bitch

No one should read this
No one should ever know how tight it tugs

It’s cutting deeper through the muscle, toward the other side
‘Cause she can’t stand to be alone
There’s no one left to take the pressure
Got me all by myself ‘cause she’s my placenta

Aye, listen… How do I plant this shit quick?
She’s like a tripwire, so I can’t step swift
Wish I could sit this out because I know I’m gonna regret this
How far do I get before you whiff up my scent, bitch?

No one should read this
No one should ever know how tight it tugs

It’s cutting deeper through the muscle, toward the other side
‘Cause she can’t stand to be alone
There’s no one left to take the pressure
Got me all by myself ‘cause she’s my placenta
She’s my placenta

I don’t believe in you anymore
Belly-up the lies that I tell myself
I don’t believe in you anymore
Ma’, I’ma come help you cut the cord—cut the cord
Cut the fucking cord
Cut the fucking c-cord

I’ve become bitter
I’m not prepared for this
Why can’t she push me out?
Reason’s truly left her
I’m not prepared for this
Why can’t she push me out?

No one should read this
No one should ever know how tight it tugs

It’s cutting deeper through the muscle, toward the other side
‘Cause she can’t stand to be alone
There’s no one left to take the pressure
Got me all by myself ‘cause she’s my placenta

6. L.E.D.

I’ve been bent too far to be me,
And I’ve struggled with this—I’m crooked,
And that’s what brings the constant sigh from her mouth
I’m a disappointment and nothing else
But if I get one chance to show how I shine,
I’m wolfing down all fifteen hundred watts

Turn it up
-Looks between rather than above
What the fuck do you take me for?
With everything that bitch said,
She don’t watch her back, she gon’ end up a mattress
No one could be me better than me
Step up and see
What the fuck do you take me for?
With everything that bitch said,
She don’t watch her back, she gon’ end up a mattress

Fifteen hundred watts, bitch
And I’ll remind you all night
You’ll regret once you’ve plugged
I’m your son—I’m your star—I’m your sun
I light your world
Defiled, the defamation is an abstract fact
‘Cause my vilification’s an art form
[redacted]
Fuck that
I don’t know who I am anymore
When I watch that reflection, I hate me
I’ll shove a wire down the throat of the hodgepodge I see

Turn it up
-Looks between rather than above
What the fuck do you take me for?
With everything that bitch said,
She don’t watch her back, she gon’ end up a mattress
No one could be me better than me
Step up and see
What the fuck do you take me for?
With everything that bitch said,
She don’t watch her back, she gon’ end up a mattress

I see no evil… I hear no evil… I speak no evil…
Bright were the lights that led me to sin
Into the bathroom, I wrought throe—wrought throe
Bright were the lights that led me to sin
Bright were the lights that let me see

7. The Silo

I live to please, and that’s the notion
But I’m pressed for time—let’s make it gold
I’m too good to cut outside—to transform
Exhale with pleasure and let it drop

You’ll lie to me, but I won’t know
Until she keeps you under thumb

Hold on while I confess in the corner of names and shame
Was it wrong or right? We just can’t tell
I live to please—to serve
Some call it HelI, but that’s the sell, yeah
So it rains and pours, and we all get doused

You’ll lie to me, but I won’t know
Until she keeps you under thumb
In the back of the cabinet, you’ll find it’s home
When she keeps you under thumb

O’ I did what I done, and I can’t undone,
So you got what you got
Don’t you want me?

You’ll lie to me, but I won’t know
Until she keeps you under thumb
In the back of the cabinet, you’ll find it’s home
When she keeps you under thumb

8. We, The Sad

Welcome to my eternity
I am the recluse who balked his maturity
I am a slave to my own insecurities
I am the culprit in the eyes of the jury
Welcome to my pain
I’m the definition of a bitch been’ spayed
Watch in fascination as the parasites sway
Fear my explanation as it’s thrown away

This is the cry of a man with no purpose
This is the song you will sing at his grave

But that’s me… I’m sad
I’m sick of being trapped inside
It’s decaying all I see
There’s no use in getting better
These things, they multiply
Are we not supposed to feel more than sad?

She is the thorn in my side—she is my possessor
She is my whole life
She is my coffin
If you don’t believe, open up my stomach
-Watch the parasites sway

Disease you, disease me
This is an oppression
Society silently kills me
She’s a wretch in disguise
I am her child, and she is my mind
I am denial, and she is behind every thought
-Every violent thought

This is the look of a man whose been gelded
This is the way that he handles his pain

But that’s me… I’m sad
I’m sick of being trapped inside
It’s decaying all I see
There’s no use in getting better
These things, they multiply
Are we not supposed to feel more than sad?

Here comes the flood, and she dams it every day
O’ she keeps the pressure right until I drown under my own shit!

We are the sad
We are the diseased
We need our mother to relieve our pain—to pull us up

9. Too Quick To Grieve

Let’s say you’re supposed to suffer what they sold you
At the end of patience, when your back’s against a wall,
That’s when you’ll face me
This is on, bitch
I keep hoppin’ while I’m on my way to fuck you up
I don’t bet, but did you see me coming?
Nah—nobody saw me coming
I’m a rabbit—I been’ gunning
It’s been building up for far too long
Now I gotcha’ with your shoulders dropped
Lemme’ see your frown—Ima’ kill that bitch

Madness is like a child’s game
-Make up the rules as you play
Pepper the parts across a sodden towel
Because you wouldn’t go the extra mile
Nurtured to do as told, so I abandon—abandon this shell

Keep your head up, hold that smile
You wear it well
This is the last fucking twelve’
I might be feeling okay
Remember, this is what you wished for

And that’s all I wrote
Sealed with spike in the throat
I should have been expelled with a coat hanger
We lost hope, now I’m pressed for pain
Had a pocketful of doom to deliver as chump change
Torch the shades, motherfucker, I been’ on one
Too quick to grieve
Got me choking on her head like a cottonmouth
I’m popping off
Nobody can stop these venomous jaws when they close around
Nurtured to rip this shit out

Keep your head up, hold that smile
You wear it well
This is the last fucking twelve’
I might be feeling okay
Remember, this is what you wished for

Let’s say you’re supposed to suffer what they sold you
At the end of patience, when your back’s against a wall,
That’s when she faced me
Brought it all, bitch
I kept hoppin’ while I was on my way to fuck her up
No regrets—uh… did she have it coming?
Yuh—Nobody saw me coming
I was a rabbit—I was a’ gunning
I was in triple threat
It was building up for far too long
Won’t play the victim—no more solitude
Got sick of being trapped inside this motherfucking hole with you
I brought that cunt down

10. Cottonmouth

Life’s been strange…
I can’t even put into words how productive I’ve been
Put the thread through the needle head
Sew up my insane—no!
Trust me, you’re better off dead
And I’m keeping your arms on the mantle
To remind me how much you cared

O’ god! She didn’t see me playing opossum
T’was awesome!
I hippity-hippity-hopped until I dropped her
Her body was a mess
I confess!
-Just a bunch of hanging corpse parts
La lala lala!
I’m fucking hoppin’ down the bunny trail
Looks like Easter’s come early, teehee!

Life’s been strange…
I can’t even put into words how productive I’ve been
Put the thread through the needle head
Sew up my insane—no!
Trust me, you’re better off dead
And I’m keeping your arms on the mantle
To remind me how much you cared

I see no evil… I hear no evil… I speak no evil…
My dear, it’s not evil
You can’t stop me!

Is this what it’s like?
Is this what it’s like
To have everything you could want in your life?
Is this what it’s like?
It’s this what it’s like
To know that you’ll never wake up from tonight?

11. Murder Seed

Hunts for fun—the bastard son
The stress is a hundred and fifty percent
What’s it to you?
Hard to quit—He’s obsolete
The best we can do is not peek
What’s it to you?
Hoot me this:
Can I get it done when I’m just above the meniscus?
I’m tweaked out, but that’s just the way it crumbled

When you’re stuck in the past, it’s murder
Why would you dig that shit up?
Fram di battam, wash di room fah mi chain
-Cup full ah piss,
An eh brimma’, brimma’, brimma’
Si mi pan di news
Mek mi choose—fools
Cah mi jah rinna’, rinna’

I’ve been infested by people like you,
Who write things in cursive to seem more legit’

I’m beginning to understand the disappointment in that fuzzy head
‘Cause how can you kill someone
When you won’t even make your bed?
I’m the son of a bitch! And at wit’s end
-I’ve stepped more stones than I comprehend
There’s nobody home inside
Believe me, I’ve checked
It’s a frequent conundrum
But hoot me this:
Can I get it done when I’m just above the meniscus?
I’m freaked out, but that’s just the way it tumbled

If it’s all up to me, let’s murder
Because fuck everybody else
Fram di battam, wash di room fah mi chain
-Cup full ah piss,
An eh brimma’, brimma’, brimma’
Si mi pan di news
Mek mi choose—fools
Cah mi jah rinna’, rinna’

I’ve been infested by people like you
Who write things in cursive to seem more legit’

When an author writes disaster,
He picks words that can symbolize the way he feels
-The way he thinks
-The way he perceives the end,
And it almost happened
Overgrown by weeds from my dark past,
It almost happened
The muder seeds were planted by God’s hand
It almost happened

12. the borderline of pain

[Instrumental]

13. Red Light

I’m a frog—I croak in a pond of blood
She’s still a part of me
I can feel those rust-licked fingers wriggling
This garden has been littered with pesticides
Red light—red light
I’m a poor boy!
Red light—red light
Is this heresy, heresy?
Must be heresy, heresy

The spots have the answers
They’re connected in gold, but I can’t even go outside
‘Cause I don’t have the code
She knocked twice—Hun, you gotta go…
Hun, you gotta go outside of this contraption
No more action, accidents—infractions
Doesn’t match up? Oh…
Hey, I thought it would be easy!
You better forget her…
She couldn’t die without reason
Go get an umbrella ‘cause it be raining hella’ treason
She’ deader than dead, but p-please don’t go

We lost the race—it’s benign
To walk the borderline of pain as the artist paints the dream
No safety belts tonight, for it’s time to start the show!
I’m running away from this quiet

These rotten parts stink better every day
Every single person has a story they’re not telling
La la lala la!
Guess it while you can…
‘Cause all the girls around my block are soon to lose their heads!

We lost the race—it’s benign
To walk the borderline of pain as the artist paints the dream
No safety belts tonight, for it’s time to start the show!
I’m running away from this quiet

They think I’m crazy?
We’ll prove them right, my friends
We’ll break their bones and cut their throats
-Shove them under the bed
You think I’m stupid?
Let’s show what’s in our head…
I’ll break your bones, cut your throat, shove you under my bed!

We lost the race—it’s benign
To walk the borderline of pain as the artist paints the dream
No safety belts tonight, for it’s time to start the show!
I’m running away from this quiet

Red light—red light
I’m a poor boy!
Red light—red light
This is heresy, heresy
Heresy, heresy
Red light—red light

I’d like to imagine it more as a sunrise in Paris,
But the rivers keep flowing with a red color
I suppose it’s just the way it is…